بِسْم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Some Marital Problems spread in the Community and their Solutions
Taken from:
فقه عوارض الزوجية
الشيخ سليمان الرحيلي
Marriage is a great matter in our Religion and it is the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ. It is one of the greatest means of happiness and its benefits on the individual, society, and entire nation are great. The family is built upon the husband and wife and the community is built on families, and the community is the cause of either strengthening or weakening the nation. Therefore one of the greatest goals of the Shari’ah is to preserve and maintain the family unit.
Happiness does not mean there will be no problems within the family, because they are unavoidable, but it means we reduce them to as little as possible and deal with them with an understanding that lessens its impacts.
-> One of the greatest problems in the community is the lack or weak communication between husband and wife. This problem is most prevelant in our times because of social networking. It’s a very dangerous problem, because after some time, the problem could escalate to the point where the presence of the husband or wife will become very hard for the other to bear. This may, in turn, cause the other party to find another source of conversation, to replace the void they feel due to the lack of conversation with their partner. So a woman may converse with a man, and in the beginning it may start of innocently, but then the Shaytan beautifies the affair and plays with them and both parties relax and talk beyond necessity, until it turns into something blameworthy.
The solution to the problem is for the husband and wife to take some time out every day to speak to each other about matters which show that they care about each other and which brings tranquility to each other whilst avoiding making the whole time a time of complaining about their work or other things. At the same time, they need to remove everything that would distract them from each other, like switching off their phones and keeping it away from them. They should do as much as they can to give attention to the other and do well in keeping silent more than they do well in their speech.
They should take out time every week or every month to go out with each other which would strengthen their relationship and remove any boredom between them.
-> Another problem is lack of trust between husband and wife. This could be due to the leniency of one of them in a matter they should not be lenient in, for example, the husband being lenient in talking to women or the wife being lenient with regards to talking to men. It could be due to one of them lying to the other often. It could be to blameworthy protective jealousy which makes one of them suspicious and doubt and investigate more than they should. Both husband and wife should avoid all that may cause lack of trust between them, be as clear as possible to each other, and avoid lying except when necessity calls for it in matters not related to their rights. Lying to each other for the good of the marital life is permissible. However indulging in this corrupts the marital life. Truthfulness should be the original state.
Another solution is to avoid blameworthy protective jealousy. As for praiseworthy protective jealousy which indicates care, love, and prevents the other from what that shouldn’t do, then it is of the nature of the human. It is in found in the female more than the male and its presence is beneficial for the marital life.
-> Another problem is ungratefulness and lack of appreciation from the husband or wife. This is a cause of many problems and is one of the major sins.
ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ، قَالَ قَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم " أُرِيتُ النَّارَ فَإِذَا أَكْثَرُ أَهْلِهَا النِّسَاءُ يَكْفُرْنَ ". قِيلَ أَيَكْفُرْنَ بِاللَّهِ قَالَ " يَكْفُرْنَ الْعَشِيرَ، وَيَكْفُرْنَ الإِحْسَانَ، لَوْ أَحْسَنْتَ إِلَى إِحْدَاهُنَّ الدَّهْرَ ثُمَّ رَأَتْ مِنْكَ شَيْئًا قَالَتْ مَا رَأَيْتُ مِنْكَ خَيْرًا قَطُّ
Bukhari and Muslim narrated from Ibn Abbas that the Prophet ﷺ said, “I saw the Hellfire and saw that most of its inhabitants were women; they are ungrateful.” He was asked, “Are they ungrateful to Allah?” He said, “They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful to goodness. If you were good to them always and they saw one thing from you they will say: I have never seen any good from you.””
Both spouses should strive to appreciate the work that the other does with tongue - by praising them - and with action - by letting the other see the impacts of the work they did on them. And if they see a flaw, they should overlook it, or inform them about in a good way, if it is necessary that they be informed.
Some of the People of Knowledge mentioned that one of the solutions to ungratefulness is to increase in giving charity as per the Hadith. This is because charity extinguishes sins, brings good and repels evil, and is a reason for a person to be saved from the Hellfire.
-> Another problem found in the community is when the husband and wife conflict instead of being partners. This occurs for many reasons, the most of important of which is differences in interests and priorities.
E.g. One of them is concerned with knowledge and has high resolutions, but the other party isn’t. So the one who doesn’t have interest tries to make the other lose interest through verbal abuse or occupying them with what they don’t need to be occupied with. Or vice versa.
The solution to this is to know that it is part of human nature to have varying interests and priorities. One should encourage the other in what the latter is interested in and regards as important so long as it is beneficial. Marital life will become good when one spouse sees that the other gives importance to a good matter and shows his/her happiness with it and encourages him/her. Husband and wife should both take the hand of the other to that which is beneficial for them.
And if one sees that there is a type of transgression on the other side, they should direct them to what is right in a good way.
Comments
Post a Comment