How did the Prophet ﷺ build up the Character of Teenagers?
#3 - The Prophet ﷺ always told teenagers that he loved them.
This is important. Do not feel shy as a mother or father to tell your son or daughter that you love them. If the teenager does not feel your love in the house, he will go and search for it outside. And you are responsible for that.
We always blame bad friends. But what drives teenagers to have these friends? Because their friends listen to them while you have no time to listen to them.
عَنْ مُعَاذِ بْنِ جَبَلٍ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ أَخَذَ بِيَدِهِ وَقَالَ يَا مُعَاذُ وَاللَّهِ إِنِّي لَأُحِبُّكَ وَاللَّهِ إِنِّي لَأُحِبُّكَ فَقَالَ أُوصِيكَ يَا مُعَاذُ لَا تَدَعَنَّ فِي دُبُرِ كُلِّ صَلَاةٍ تَقُولُ اللَّهُمَّ أَعِنِّي عَلَى ذِكْرِكَ وَشُكْرِكَ وَحُسْنِ عِبَادَتِكَ
Mu’adh ibn Jabal reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, took me by the hand and he said, “O Mu’adh, I swear by Allah that I love you. I swear by Allah that I love you! O Mu’adh, I advise you not to forget supplicating after every prayer by saying: O Allah, help me to remember you, to give thanks to you, and to worship you in the best manner.” [Sunan Abi Dawud]
If you want to order your teenager with anything, tell him you love him first and care for him, then command him with whatever you want. The Prophet ﷺ was a man and he told another young man that he loves him. There is no shame in that. We have to take the Prophet ﷺ as our example. He showed his love for the companions, especially the younger ones.
#4 - The Prophet ﷺ used to joke and play with them.
Anas served the Prophet ﷺ for ten years. He said: The Prophet 
addressed me as: “O you with the two ears” [Sunan Abu Dawood, Vol. 3, #4984]
It could be a joke and also a praise - that he has ears he listens with, understands, and is obedient.
عَنْ أَنَسٍ قَالَ: كَانَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَدْخُلُ عَلَيْنَا، وَلِي أَخٌ صَغِيرٌ يُكَنَّى: أَبَا عُمَيْرٍ، وَكَانَ لَهُ نُغَرٌ يَلْعَبُ بِهِ فَمَاتَ، فَدَخَلَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَرَآهُ حَزِينًا، فَقَالَ: مَا شَأْنُهُ؟ قِيلَ لَهُ: مَاتَ نُغَرُهُ، فَقَالَ: يَا أَبَا عُمَيْرٍ، مَا فَعَلَ النُّغَيْرُ؟.
“The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, visited us. I had a young brother who used the kunya of Abu 'Umayr. He had a sparrow which he used to play with it and it had died. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, came it and saw that he was sad. He asked, 'What is wrong with him?' He was told, 'His sparrow has died.' The Prophet said, 'Abu 'Umayr, what has happened to the little sparrow?'" [Adab Al-Mufrad]
#5 - The Prophet ﷺ used to respond to their invitations.
The companions got married while they were teenagers like Jabir Ibn Abdullah and Usayd رضي الله عنهما. They invited the Prophet ﷺ and he responded.
#6 - The Prophet ﷺ used to praise them in front of everyone frequently
The Prophet ﷺ said,
كَانَ خَيْرَ فُرْسَانِنَا الْيَوْمَ أَبُو قَتَادَةَ وَخَيْرَ رَجَّالَتِنَا سَلَمَةُ
“The best of our horsemen today is Abu Qutada and the best of our footmen is Salama " [Muslim]
Praise your son or daughter if they do something good in front of people; this builds up their personality and confidence.
Many parents find difficulty in building up teenagers because they are used to dealing with children in a certain way and want to apply it to teenagers, which doesn't work.
When children become stubborn and cry, a stern look can discipline them and make them obey you. They are little and have no power, this is why they submit. When they grow up, you have to treat them differently. When the child grows up and becomes a teenager, he changes and starts to rebel. He starts to refuse to accept commands. He will not change his bad friends. He will not go to the Masjid.
What should you do when you see that your teenager is rebellious and disobedient?
a) The Prophet ﷺ set a very important and great foundation in dealing with everyone:
إن الله رفيق يحب الرفق في الأمر كله
“Allah is gentle and loves gentleness in all matters." [Agreed Upon]
And he ﷺ said:
إِنَّ اللَّهَ رَفِيقٌ يُحِبُّ الرِّفْقَ وَيُعْطِي عَلَيْهِ مَا لاَ يُعْطِي عَلَى الْعُنْفِ
“Allah is gentle, likes gentleness, and gives for gentleness what he does not give for harshness.” [Sunan Abi Dawud]
It means that Allah's help and guidance is linked with gentleness. If you want Allah to help you with this teenager, you have to be gentle. No harshness will be useful now. You should be gentle in character, speech, and action. However, this does not mean there is no discipline. You have to be balanced.
b) الحوار - Discussion
You have to teach your son or daughter how to speak from childhood. Raise a subject and make conversation with him. Let him express what he feels and say his opinion. You need to train him to express his opinion and feelings until he becomes a teenager. This dialogue is very important in building up the minds of children.
The teenager shows stubbornness when he sees that he has no chance to express his opinion. He wants to say and his words are not helping him. So he becomes angry and break things around him, closes the door violently, raises his voice, shout, yell. This indicates that he wants to say something but cannot, and you are not giving him the chance.
Many mothers complain about the attitude of their teenagers. You have to ask yourself why. There is something that made him like that. He wants to express, and you did not give him the chance to express his
opinion and point of view.Therefore, it is very important to bring your child up on dialogue and discussion.
، عَنْ سَهْلِ بْنِ سَعْدٍ السَّاعِدِيِّ، أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم أُتِيَ بِشَرَابٍ فَشَرِبَ مِنْهُ وَعَنْ يَمِينِهِ غُلاَمٌ وَعَنْ يَسَارِهِ أَشْيَاخٌ فَقَالَ لِلْغُلاَمِ " أَتَأْذَنُ لِي أَنْ أُعْطِيَ هَؤُلاَءِ " . فَقَالَ الْغُلاَمُ لاَ . وَاللَّهِ لاَ أُوثِرُ بِنَصِيبِي مِنْكَ أَحَدًا " . قَالَ فَتَلَّهُ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فِي يَدِهِ .
Sahl b. Sa'd Sa'idi reported that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) was given a drink, and he drank from that, and there was on his right side a boy. and on his left some old men. He said to the boy: “Do you permit me to give it to them (the old men)?” But that boy said: by God. I will not give preference at your hand over me in my share. He (the narrator) said that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) then gave it in his hand. [Muslim]
They knew Barakah was in the leftover drink of the Prophet ﷺ.
The Prophet ﷺ respected his opinion and gave it to him. He didn't call it bad manners. He respected him because it was his right.
Children have rights and you will be asked about it on the Day of Judgement. Even though the boy was the youngest, he respected him and gave this boy his right. The boy held with his right, decided, and the Prophet ﷺ accepted his decision. This is how we deal with teenagers.
What made the boy speak in this way?
He used to speak like that when he was younger, so he did not feel shy to speak eloquently and fluently with the Prophet.
- When you have a dialogue with teenagers, you should be a good listener.
- Respect him and his opinion
- Give excuses for him.
- If he says something good, praise him and encourage him in front of others.
- Take them to the assemblies of adults so that they become wise as opposed to always playing with kids.
- Mention their names to the people, this will make them feel happy and feel valuable in the family and community.
Comments
Post a Comment