The home, and particularly the environment provided by the mother and father, is the foundation of all development. Children from the time of birth are sponges which absorb the environments that they are placed in. The first teachers of the child are the parents and it is important for parents to get their priorities in order. You can outsource branding and marketing but you will never be able to outsource parenting. The Islamic schools you send them to are only roles which complement parenting. You have to be your child's first teacher for every subject your child will learn. If you don't have the ability to teach them and you bring help in you have to be the one on top of that program and ask the why's that need to be asked.
In Surah Yusuf Verse 4:
"(Remember) when Yusuf (Joseph) said to his father: "O my father! Verily, I saw (in a dream) eleven stars and the sun and the moon, I saw them prostrating themselves to me."
#1 - Build Trust
In the beginning of Surah Yusuf Allah takes us a journey on parenting in practice. Yusuf عليه السلام saw a dream and was concerned so he went to his father to ask questions.We learn from this that Ya'qoub عليه السلام was the constant teacher. No child will come to you unless he trusts you. He had spent that quality time with his father until he trusted him to go to him for everything. That is why he looked nowhere besides his father. A child does not approach an adult unless he is comfortable with him, and they will never be comfortable unless the adult gives him his time.
Verse 5:
"He (the father) said: "O my son! Relate not your vision to your brothers, lest they arrange a plot against you. Verily! Shaitan (Satan) is to man an open enemy!"
#2 - Teach your child important matters and don't delay teaching what needs to be taught.
Yaqoub عليه السلام understands from the dream that Allah has chosen him to be a Prophet and being a Prophet entails going through difficulty. Yaqoub عليه السلام chooses to teach his child and not delay it for later. We disrespect the child's intellect when we say they are not ready to learn what they should. Scholars say he was between the age of 5 as 7 during this time and Yaqoub عليه السلام had taught him about Shaytan.
- Yaqoub gives him a command: "لا تقصص رؤياك على إخوتك" - Relate not your vision to your brothers
- This is something that we are all good at doing, but Yaqoub عليه السلام does not stop there, he teaches us that you need to explain why. He says: "فيكيدوا لك كيدا" - lest they arrange a plot against you.
Today we command and leave children to imagine why. Children by default are inquisitive so if you do not explain why, they will listen to you when you are there out of fear and then experiment behind your back out of curiosity to find out the consequences of their action.
And when you explain why do not make the why a weak why. Respect their intellect and give it value just as you would at work. Go to a coffee shop - talk it out.
- Then he goes on to offer guidance and says: "إن الشيطان لكم عدوا مبين" - Verily! Shaitan (Satan) is to man an open enemy!
Through pondering the Scholars teach us the Yaqoub عليه السلام plausibly shared this lesson because he had previously taught Yusuf عليه السلام that he should love and support and be selfless with is his brothers. No doubt he knows that his son will feel there is a contradiction, so he adds this extra chunk of information. If they happen to do something to you, yes it's wrong, but don't forget the hand of Shaytan in it.
Yaqoub عليه السلام knows that he will not be with his son for long, anything could happen. So he tells him in Verse 6:
"Thus will your Lord choose you and teach you the interpretation of dreams (and other things) and perfect His Favour on you and on the offspring of Ya'qub (Jacob), as He perfected it on your fathers, Ibrahim (Abraham) and Ishaque (Isaac) aforetime! Verily, your Lord is All-Knowing, All-Wise."
Whatever happens to you after this day, this is Allah completing his favour upon you, just like he did to your grandfathers. And Allah is your Lord, the All-Knowing, the All-Wise. He teaches him three names from the names of Allah. This child understands who Allah is and understands who Shaytan is.
There is a بركة (blessing) in the instruction of a parent to his child unlike the instruction of anyone else to the child.
When Yusuf عليه السلام was in his well, he knew that Allah is His Rabb who protects and nourishes him, that He is All-Knowing and knows about him, All-Wise even if he doesn't understand why. When he enters the slave markets of Egypt and is scared and wishes for his father, he doesn't lose his belief in Allah and in these three names. When the minister buys him and he has to grow up in a home of idol worship and promiscuity a teenager would be affected by his environment but Yusuf عليه السلاك remained upon Tawheed. This was the بركة (blessing) that existed in the teaching of a father to his child. He was locked in a room with a woman who was his master and she says come to me, and his first words were "معاذ الله". No one can see him but his father taught him that Allah is the All-Knowing.
Later on when Yusuf عليه السلام is in is fifties and is running Egypt and his brothers come and do not know who he is and he knows who they are he was not prejudiced against them. He remembers "إن الشيطان لمن عدوا مبين" - Verily! Shaitan (Satan) is to man an open enemy!
and he brings up the topic making excuses for them: "إن كنتم جاهلون" - "when you were ignorant?"
How is it possible he had no grudges? He never spent one second blaming his brothers, he was guided by the lesson of his father to not forget that Shaytan is a clear enemy.
Then at the end of the story Yusuf عليه السلام finally understands what he saw as a young boy. In Verse 100:
"And he raised his parents to the throne and they fell down before him prostrate. And he said: "O my father! This is the interpretation of my dream aforetime! My Lord has made it come true! He was indeed good to me, when He took me out of the prison, and brought you (all here) out of the bedouin-life, after Shaitan (Satan) had sown enmity between me and my brothers. Certainly, my Lord is the Most Courteous and Kind unto whom He will. Truly He! Only He is the All-Knowing, the All-Wise."
He says:
"و قد أحسن بي" - He was indeed good to me
He saw Allah completing His favour upon him, like his father taught him.
"من بعد النزغ الشيطان بيني و بين اخوتي" - after Shaitan (Satan) had sown enmity between me and my brothers
"إنه هو العليم الحكيم" - Truly He! Only He is the All-Knowing, the All-Wise.
Who taught him that? His father. It stayed with him throughout his whole life.
He didn't say Allah was good to me when he took me out of the well, but when Allah took him out of prison. Being in a well as a child is more difficult then in prison out of your choosing. Because he is speaking in the presence of his brothers after he said "لا تثريب عليكم اليوم" - No reproach on you this day
Pardoning entails not reminding of the sin. This is Ihsan.
In a weak narration, it is narrated that when Yaqoub عليه السلان was told that his son was alive he asked, "How did you find him? Did you find him on Tawheed?" This was his concern, and this was the true glad tidings for Yaqoub عليه السلام.
Yusuf عليه السلام did not have an identity crisis. He knew who he was.
Source:
- Points from a Sheikh Sajid Umar Lecture
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