بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
There are three types of children:
#1 - Children who always ask questions
Asking questions is a means of learning. The child asks because he wants to learn, and this indicates that he is normal and has intellectual power. It indicates that:
a) The child enjoys wellbeing (العافية)
b) The child is mentally stable
#2 - Children who do not ask questions
You should not be bothered by the child asking questions, you should rather be happy. The problem is when you do not see your child asking questions. Children start asking from the age of 3, and the older they get, the less questions they ask. If your child does not ask questions it may be because he is facing mental problems or because he is psychologically unstable due to him facing abuse in the house or because he is surpressed. A child starts suppressing his questions when he is told to be quiet by his mother every time he asks. So the child will come once, twice, three times, and if you keep rejecting him, he will not ask you anymore. He may stop being vocal, but he is still thinking, and this leads to either one of the following problems:
1) He will go to another source to look for an answer to his question, and it could be any source, wrong or right.
2) These questions will turn into doubts in his heart.
When the scientists studied the psychology of atheists, they found that most atheists went through surpression in their childhood. It is rare that the problem with a child who doesn't ask questions is a mental issue.
The questions of children should thus be answered. They will believe that since you did not answer their question, you have no answer for their question. Many people left Christianity because of this; because Christianity did not have the answer to their questions. They had questions and no one answered them..
Islam is a clear Religion, we have answers for everything. The problem is with us, we don't know, this is why our children's questions are not answered. Atheism is increasing in Muslim countries because parents do not answer the questions of their children.
Children usually ask about Allah's description and they want to resemble Him with something they see. You have to be careful to cut off this resemblance from the mind of the child, by saying ليس كمثله شيء (There is nothing like Him). Allah is so great, and no ones greatness is like His greatness. He is so high, and nothing is like his highness.
#3 - Children who are intelligent but do not ask any questions; they connect things in their minds by themselves. They take situations and put things together and find the answer to their questions. And this is also dangerous; they need guidance. You should be teaching and guiding them. If you see them not asking, it should worry you. The child has blank spaces in his mind which should be filled. You should be the one putting the right words in these spaces, in order to give him the correct image. If he does not find the right guidance, he may fill those blanks with any words and settle with any conclusion which satisfies him, and live his life according to it.
Parents and teachers should thus observe their children.
How do children ask and how should you answer them? There are children who ask direct questions, and this is usually when they are young. However when they are older, they start asking indirect questions.
Direct questions should be answered with direct concise answers. From three years old until the age of puberty children are submissive. Whatever you give them, they will accept without discussion.
As they grow up though, you will answer and they will come with another question, and you answer and they will come with another question. They will start discussing.
A child may ask indirect questions because he is afraid to ask directly or he does not know how to express it.
E.g. He asks: Where did I come from?
You say: From my womb
He asks: Where did you come from?
You say: From the womb of my mother
He asks: Where did she come from?
The question he wants to know is who created Allah. There is a chain in his mind, and your duty is to cut that chain. When he asks you who comes before Allah, you say: Allah is the First; there is nothing before Him.
Give children answers suitable to their age.
Children may ask the same questions repeatedly. This is because they need to hear the same answer in order to be satisfied. This repetition will decrease as he grows up. Do not think that the child did not understand; this is his need. You do not need to change your answer or your words. When you tell a story to a child, and you repeat the same story the next day but change the words, the child will tell you that what you are saying is wrong. Your child memorizes your words, but he needs you to repeat it in order for it to be established in his heart.
Allah gave the ability of talking to women. Talk to your children.
What is the nature of the response of children? There are different types of responses when you answer the question:
From three years to ten years old they do not discuss. Whatever answer you give him will be engraved in his heart.
If two contradictory pieces of information are given to the child, he will reject.
E.g. You command him to do something. If you come in another situation telling him to do something opposite, he will not accept.
Therefore it is important to take the advantage of this age and be the first to teach him what is correct, because he will accept whatever he hears first. If you keep telling him Allah is One, and later on he associates with Christians and hears that Allah is three, he will not accept it. Hasten to implant the correct information in him before others distort his heart and Fitrah.
E.g. You tell him to not sleep after Asr everyday so he can wake up for school the next day. Then on the weekend you tell him to sleep. He will not accept two opposite pieces of information.
E.g. You tell him do not open the door until you know who is behind. Then you rebuke him one day for not opening it for your friend, thinking he is stubborn, not listening to you. The child does not accept two contradictory pieces of information
Opposing information will prevent the child from understanding. If he is bold, he will speak out. But if he is not, he will just listen and go on with that and it will have a bad effect on him later on.
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