Children are blessings from Allah and we should give attention and care to them. Allah advised us regarding them in Surah An-Nisa [4:11]:
"Allah instructs you concerning your children"
Children are a responsibility on the shoulder of the parent. When Allah says "يوصيكم الله", it means that this is a وصية. It is more than just a command and advice. We have to keep this وصية because we will be taken account for it on the Day of Judgement.
Children are وديعة (A Trust). Allah has entrusted them to us. The first impression this word gives you is that we do not own or possess them, and we have to give them back to their Real Owner - and that is Allah. Allah has given children to us temporarily.
- We have to know the nature of this وديعة
- We have to know what causes it's corruption and what causes its reformation
- We have to take the means of reformation and avoid the means of corruption.
Thinking that children belong to us and no one has right to say anything about them is the first mistake we fall into. Many mothers do not like anyone to advise them regarding their children and think they can do whatever they want with them. They do not know that children are a وديعة .
Any وديعة should be dealt with honesty. This means that we should be careful to return it back to the real owner sound, complete, perfect - as it was given to us.
E.g. Someone gives you gold as a trust. Do you preserve gold the same way you preserve food? Everything has a certain way of protection and preservation. This is the same thing with children. We need to know what protects and preserved them from corruption, because one day the Real Owner will ask you about it.
This is the whole story regarding our children, whether they are your children or your students.
In a Nutshell:
-> Children are trusts
-> We should return them complete to the Real Owner
-> We will be taken account for them on the Day of Judgement.
As-Sa'di رحمه الله said in his explanation of the aforementioned verse:
أي: أولادكم - يا معشر الوالدين - عندكم ودائع قد وصاكم الله عليهم، لتقوموا بمصالحهم الدينية و الدنيوية، فتعلمونهم و تؤدبونهم، و تكفونهم عن المفاسد، و تأمرونهم بطاعة الله، و ملازمة التقوى على الدوام، كما قال تعالى {يأيها الذين ءامنوا قوا أنفسكم و أهليكم نارا وقودها الناس و الحجارة} فالأولاد - عند والديهم - موصى بهم.
"O Parents, your children are entrusted to you by Allah, and He commands you to take good care of all their worldly and spiritual needs."
It is not limited to what they eat or wear, but it includes their religious needs,
"You should educate them, make them courteous, save them from evils, order them to be obedient to Allah, and to always observe Taqwa, Allah says elswhere [In Surah Tahrim 66:6]:
"O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded."
"فإما أن يقوموا بتلك الوصية فلهم جزيل الثواب، و إما أن يضيعها، فيستخقوا بذالك الوعيد و العقاب، هذا مما يدل على أن الله تعالى أرحم بعباده من الوالدين، حيث أوصى الوالدين - مع كمال شفقتهم - عليهم."
"Thus, parents have been provided with the best advice concerning their children. Now it is their choice to either follow the advice and gain Allah's pleasure and reward, or neglect it and become deserving of severe torment and punishment. This offers clear evidence that Allah is kinder toward His creation than their own parents. He has given the parents this counsel in spite of the fact that they already have great love and affection for their offspring"
After knowing that children are a وديعة, how should we deal with them? Children require a different way of preservation. How do we preserve this trust?
We have to first understand the nature of this trust which Allah has given us. Who is this child? They are human, whom Allah has honoured, made for them tools with which they reach righteousness and avoid corruption. We have to thus honour them as well. Allah said that this human has a soul is in Surah Ash-Shams [91:7-10]:
"And by Nafs (Adam or a person or a soul, etc.), and Him Who perfected him in proportion;"
Allah swears by the نفس and who created it - and that it is Allah,
What about this نفس?
"Then He showed him what is wrong for him and what is right for him"
Allah put in the soul both righteousness and evil. Both exist in the child.
And He said:
"Indeed he succeeds who purifies his ownself (i.e. obeys and performs all that Allah ordered, by following the true Faith of Islamic Monotheism and by doing righteous good deeds)."
"And indeed he fails who corrupts his ownself (i.e. disobeys what Allah has ordered by rejecting the true Faith of Islamic Monotheism or by following polytheism, etc. or by doing every kind of evil wicked deeds)."
Children are humans who have feelings, a sound فطرة, and have characteristics - good and bad. Children are not instruments in your hand which you can do whatever you want with. People may neglect, abuse, and beat their children - they do not understand about this وديعة in their hands, and that they are responsible for them.
We look at children as ignorant and unable to understand, then later they grow older and understand. We think they are nothing then later become something. Parents usually say, "You will understand when you grow up" not realizing their children are smart, understand, and know but they do not know how to express.
Allah granted children a sound فطرة (Natural Disposition). They are ready to accept the divine teachings. They are ready to understand and accept that this world is created by Allah. It is in their Fitrah that every event has a doer. But they do not know who He is, so it is your role to tell the child.
And he will accept; not discuss or negotiate with you. This is the beauty in teaching children who are three until the age of puberty. It is a blessing to have children of this age.
Children have characteristics. Just like any other human, they are hasty, weak, stingy, as Allah mentioned in the Qur'an:
"And man invokes (Allah) for evil as he invokes (Allah) for good and man is ever hasty" [Surah Al-Israa 17:11]
And in Surah Al-Ma'arij [70:19-21]:
"Verily, man was created very impatient;"
"Irritable (discontented) when evil touches him;"
"And niggardly when good touches him;"
And in Surah An-Nisaa [4:28]:
"Allah wishes to lighten (the burden) for you; and man was created weak"
These characteristics are in us as well, not just in our children. But we see the defect in them and not in ourselves. And we attack them, although this is natural amongst all people.
Children also have their own characteristics which Allah created them with (جبلية).
There are children who are more modest by nature than others, although modesty is a general characteristic in human beings.
E.g. You take your 6 months old daughter to the doctor and she doesn't like to be touched.
You have to discover the characteristics in your children through the events that happen in your life. Children have good and bad, it is your responsibility to take the means of their reformation, in order to give them back to Allah preserved.
How do I know if I have kept this trust safe? When their فطرة is preserved from corruption.
But if you see that their فطرة is distorted, such as when they magnify superman, then this is the beginning of the distortion of their فطرة and the means to their destruction and not their reformation.
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