بِسْم الله الرحمن الرحيم
24-2-1438H
Humans go through three stages with regards to their thoughts:
1) المرحلة إنقياد - The Stage of Submission
This begins when children start understanding your speech and starts to reply; from about 3 years old to the age of puberty. When discussing Tarbiya, we focus on this period, because it is the most important period in the life of the child.
-> Intellectually, the child in this stage takes whatever you give him without objection or discussion.
E.g. He asks you from where he came. He will take whatever answer you gave him. If you tell him that he came from the supermarket, he will not say this is illogical.
-> The child even accepts the imaginary. He will whatever you talk about a picture in his mind, and the space imagination is very vast. This is why when you talk about Allah, you should be exact and specific. If you do not give him specific information, he will start imagining.
Children enjoy watching cartoons, because they give a picture to everything, thus fulfilling the need to imagine in the child. Even if you tell him a story without showing any picture, the child will listen without objection, and imagine it. He will imagine the pictures in his head.
If he is shown a picture, it will stay in his mind for the rest of his life, and it will be difficult for you to pluck it out later. This is why it is dangerous to allow kids to watch cartoons at this age.
This is seen clearly with Christian chrildren. At New Years Eve, they are told that if they go to sleep Santa Clause will give them a gift. And they sleep believing that, and accept it without objection. They grow up with that belief until they are old. Now, when you are older, you think: How can Santa Clause go around the world at once giving gifts?
-> Children are submissive in their اهتمامات and اهمالات - Whatever you make important and neglect, they will make important and neglect. If you focus on Allah, he would know that Allah is important in his life. If you do not talk about Allah at all, and it is always getupsndstudy and getupsndputyourclothesinthewash he will understand those as important matters.
-> Children are submissive and yield to the matters you accept and reject. The child looks at the mother and does what she does. If you accept a certain matter, he will accept it too. If you reject, he will reject it too.
Sometimes your child may show stubbornness and not listen to you. For example, you may tell him something is not right, and that Allah does not like it, but he does it anyway.
Do not think that your child does not understand or is not listening to you. He needs to hear that concept again and again until a time comes when he will not do it anymore. Therefore beating and yelling at kids indicates the ignorance of the mother. If you know your child, you would know that repetition of information is a need in him. That piece of information is still not developed in him, which is why he shows stubbornness. Repeat it again and again and do not change your statements. You may have to repeat the same concept for one year.
And it is important to not define evil and good according to your desire; it should be according to the Qur'an and Sunnah. We yell at children when they do something we do not like, and this is a mistake.
-> Children yield and submit to what you regard as beloved and hated. He loves what you love and hates what you hate.
You are writing on the clean white page of their hearts. This writing will have an effect when Allah wills. Be sure of this fact.
2) المرحلة القناعية - The Stage of Conviction
This is the teenage years until around 25
3) المرحلة الرقابية - The Stage of Observation
This is from the age 25+
The Dua Qunoot
You need to build up concepts in your child, which he will take as rules in his life when he grows up. You can sit with Children who are 8 or 9+ and teach them Duas and Stories in order to instill the concept you want them to know in them. An example of this is the Dua Qunoot, which the Prophet ﷺ taught to AlHasan Ibn Ali رضي الله عنهما:
The Dua’ of Qunoot was narrated by Abu Dawood (1425), al-Tirmidhi (464), and al-Nasaa’i (1746) from al-Hasan ibn ‘Ali (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ taught me some words to say in Qunoot al-Witr:
The first thing you tell your child is who AlHasan was. He is the grandchild of the Prophet ﷺ. You can teach your grandchildren, even if your children are grown up. It is never too late.
Who is his mother? Fatima رضي الله عنها; the daughter of the Prophet ﷺ.
You ask, and you be the one who gives the answer.
Who is his father? Ali رضي الله عنه, the cousin of the Prophet ﷺ.
You give him the information piece by piece.
You have to tell your child the rights of the family of the Prophet ﷺ.
You say We love them because we love the Prophet ﷺ. We love them because the Prophet ﷺ told us to love them. And we do not exaggerate them beyond their status.
Children at this age usually memorize things by the first sitting. Whereas those who are a few years older easily forget. You have a treasure in your hand.
Before you teach your child anything, you should first study it thoroughly, then sit and teach. Do not wait till you teach it, then they ask you who AlHasan رضي الله عنه is, and you say you do not know.
Then you tell him: He taught us some words to say in the Witr Prayer
And you have to tell him what Witr is. A voluntary prayer you pray before you sleep.
And this tells you that your child who has reached this age is ready to pray voluntary prayers.
You have to teach him the meaning of Witr. Allah created in this world in pairs (شفع), but He made Himself وتر.
Give me examples of pairs: male and female, day and night, sun and moon,
Only Allah is Witr. Allah is One. And He is the only One who is One. He singled Himself with Tawheed. He does not accept to have a partner, a resemblance, a peer, etc.
The child should grow up knowing that Allah is One.
Then you say: All the Salat are two Rak'ah, except Witr, which is one.
You have explained the Name of Allah الوتر and the Witr Prayer.
It is a very important prayer to pray, the Prophet ﷺ taught it to his grandson.
Every night tell him: Do not sleep before you pray the Witr. Until one day he prays it and continues doing so himself. All you have to do is repeat, until the time where Allah permits for him to act.
He may ask you about Allah. How does Allah look like? Does Allah have eyes? Does Allah have hands? Are His Hands like Ours? You answer: "ليس كمثله شيء" - No one is like Allah.
So he will not imagine Allah with his mind.
Children should be taught this from ages 9-14.
After this introduction, you teach him the Dua AlQunoot.
There are 5 Requests in this Dua, and 5 Beliefs Behind them.
Homework: What are they?
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