بِسْم الله الرحمن الرحيم
1) فتنة - Trial
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1) How you should look at your Children / What Allah called them in the Qur'an
1) فتنة - Trial
In Surah Al-Anfal [8:28]:
"And know that your possessions and your children are but a trial and that surely with Allah is a mighty reward."
2) زينة - Adornment
In Surah Al-Kahf [18:46]:
"Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world. But the good righteous deeds (five compulsory prayers, deeds of Allah's obedience, good and nice talk, remembrance of Allah with glorification, praises and thanks, etc.), that last, are better with your Lord for rewards and better in respect of hope."
3) عدوا - Enemy
In Surah At-Taghabun [64:14]:
"O you who have believed, indeed, among your wives and your children are enemies to you, so beware of them. But if you pardon and overlook and forgive - then indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful
If you only looked at your children as a فتنة (trial) or عدوا (enemy) it would affect the way you deal with them; you would be aggressive. And this is not right.
You should go through the whole Qur'an and find out everything Allah said about الأولاد. Do not take one verse and base the way you treat your children on that; because you would oppress and do wrong to them. You need to have a complete picture of who they are in the Qur'an.
4) هبا - Gifts
In Surah Ash-Shura [42:49]:
"To Allah belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills. He bestows female (offspring) upon whom He wills, and bestows male (offspring) upon whom He wills."
They are a favour and blessing from Allah.
Now there will be balance in your feelings towards your children. You would look at them as a favour from Allah, but you would also know that they are your enemy - so you would be cautious and careful when you deal with them. You would also be cautious of your feelings; to control your feelings so that you are not aggressive to them nor yell at them.
When they say or do something wrong, then consider it as a فتنة (trial). You are being tested by Allah regarding them; will you please Allah in your reaction towards them or will you displease Allah? Will you fear Allah regarding them or not?
When you know that they are a زينة (an adornment) you should be careful of not boasting.
And when you know they are a هبا (gift), it would affect your duty towards them:
2) What is your duty as a Teacher / Mother towards them?
1) To first know what Allah has given them of gifts.
You should know what Allah has given this little creature in front of you that will help you educate and nurture him. Allah mentioned in the Qur'an that He gave them hearing with which they hear, seeing with which they see, hearts with which they feel, understand, analyze, think. They have sound فطرة and no lust and desire and no evil in them; they have pure hearts.
Even if your child is young, do not think that he does not think. They think, but we do not know that they are thinking.
2) When you know the above, then it is your duty to maintain and protect what Allah has given them.
You need to protect his eyes from seeing bad, his ears from hearing what displeases Allah, his heart from being exposed to bad things and feelings. You have to be careful of maintaining his فطرة (natural dispositon) from distortion.
You need to teach your child about Allah and direct his feelings towards Allah. If you do not that, he will be attached to other than Allah, and you will be responsible for the distortion of his فطرة.
3) You have to develop what Allah has granted them of gifts.
You have to teach him what will increase him in knowledge, and that is by activities, making him think correctly, showing him through pictures, etc.
Your job is to teach children:
-> Correct Information
-> How to Think Correctly
-> How to Learn - This comes through activities. You develop his speech by teaching a new word every day for example. (مهار اللغوية - Linguistic Skills)
3) What do you hope for?
You are doing all these activities, teaching, praying to Allah, because you hope for a righteous child. You want to bring a شخص عَابِد لله - a person who worships Allah. If he worships Allah he will fear Allah with you, pray for you, etc.
You want a child who submits to Allah. And for it to be your scale on the Day of Judgement.
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When children become 6+ you have to teach him about life. There are three things they should know about life:
1) Their Origin
- By teaching them the Story of Adam عليه السلام. You should teach your child that they came from the first man - Adam عليه السلام.
The فطرة of your child is always looking for the first man. The first Story mentioned in the Qur'an is the Story of Adam عليه السلام in Surah Baqarah. In the verse before the story of Adam عليه السلام, Allah mentions His favours upon mankind. Then He tells you the Story of Adam عليه السلام. This is tell you to thank Allah, who created you from Adam عليه السلام, and who honoured Adam عليه السلام by making the Angels who are made of light prostrate to him. You are honoured; you do not come from an ape. Allah honoured you above all the creation.
In Surah Al-Israa [17:70]:
"And indeed We have honoured the Children of Adam, and We have carried them on land and sea, and have provided them with At-Taiyibat (lawful good things), and have preferred them above many of those whom We have created with a marked preference."
So that when he grows up and hears people saying that his origin is an ape, he will not accept it.
2) Their Final Destination
Do not think that telling the child who is 6 years old about death is scary. Your children are scared of death because you did not tell them about it. You need to present in a nice way.
Say: Look at the sun. It begins weak, reaches full strength, then sets and dies.
Look at the plants. It starts off weak, becomes strong, then dies.
This happens to everything in the Universe.
You also start off weak, become strong, and you too will die.
But look - the sun rises again the next day. You will also rise on the Day of Judgement. Death is just a transit; a stage to go to a better life than this world we are in - a broader life where all delights are. But these delights are only if you do good in this world.
Tell your child of all what is there of delightful things.
E.g. When he drinks milk. Tell him that in Jannah there will be rivers of milk whose taste never changes, etc.
When you repeat these things, he will look forward to and feel the delights in Jannah. He will not look at death as something scary. And you did not lie to him.
3) The Reality of this Life -> ->
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