بِسْم الله الرحمن الرحيم
26-1-1438H
We need to be cautious of having a disorder in priorities when we implant concepts in children. Allah created children whilst ready to accept the divine teachings. It is in their فطرة (Natural Disposition) to be able to distinguish between good and evil.
Also, Allah created children having feelings of love, hatred, grief, pain, etc. We should not deal with them like they are any object in the house. Our duty is to direct their feelings towards Allah.
E.g. They love good doers. So direct their love to Allah, the True Owner and Bestower of gifts.
-> Establish the correct concepts (مفاهيم) in them <-
How? By repetition. In every situation you go through with them, use the situation to implant the concept in them.
E.g. He is eating. You tell him: "The food is from Allah. This drink is from Allah." Using the words mentioned in the Qur'an is better.
If you do not direct feelings of children when they are young to Allah, Allah will be replaced in their hearts by other than Him. They will magnify teachers, parents, cartoon characters, etc.
If you build the correct concepts in their hearts, they will grow up abiding to it and referring back to it in their lives.
What are the sources of these concepts? We do not have other than the Qur'an and Sunnah. You mention the concepts from the Qur'an and Sunnah repeatedly as he goes through situations.
E.g. Someone prevents him from something he likes, and he comes to you. You say: The Prophet ﷺ said that if the whole word gathered to prevent you from something which Allah wrote for you, they would never be able to do so. And if the entire world gathered to give you something which Allah did not write for you, they would never be able to do so. This is a test from Allah, etc.
This works with older kids, from ages 6+
E.g. Someone hits him and he comes crying to you. You do not say "That boy is a wicked, bad boy". You say: "Allah gave him power over you as a test;- How will you act in this situation?"
You should the correct actions of Allah in every situation you go through. The mother should know this concepts very well herself first. But because of our ignorance we blame people instead of realizing that Allah wants to nurture him and us.
E.g. He fights with his brothers and sisters. You tell him: "Allah gave you legs and hands to do good, not to hurt people with. Allah did not create it for the purpose of hitting your sister or brother."
And you do not tell him this piece of information once in his life, you have to repeat this to him all the time. Take advantage of every situation he goes through by mentioning Allah.
Our role is to make Allah the Greatest and most Beloved in his heart, by telling him about the actions of Allah. When you do this repeatedly, when this child grows up, he will invoke and call Allah alone.
Children need two things from you:
1) Correct Information
2) True Feelings
The child is very sensitive. He knows if you are truthful or not, so be truthful with him. Do not say something and do the opposite - this will cause disturbance in him. He will have no trust in what you say in the future.
E.g. You go out with him during sunrise and sunset. Direct his attention to the sun. Say: "Look at the Sun. Allah Created the Sun."
Tell him this everyday. When he grows up a little, add a bit of information: Allah created the sun and it prostrates under Allahs Throne every day,
Keeping adding new information as he grows older. Then he will know that the sun is a sign of Allah. He will not grow up becoming a sun worshipper.
E.g. When they grow up, become 7 or 8, they come everyday with a complaint. Use this situation and say, Allah said [in 25:20]:
"...And We have made some of you as a trial for others: will you have patience? And your Lord is Ever All-Seer (of everything)."
E.g. She tells you proudly that the teacher praised her. You say: "This is a test from Allah. Will you be arrogant or attribute it to Allah? Did you know that this character that the teacher praised you for has been given to you by Allah?"
Always refer situations back to Allah.
E.g. She says the children are laughing at her and calling her short. Say: "Are you pleased with Allah's creation? If you are pleased, Allah will make you pleased."
E.g. When they become teenagers and ask if they can order pizza. On the same night, neighbours bring food. Say: Allah chose this food, let us be pleased with it, and delay the pizza for another time.
If he is pleased with that, after some days, he may get what he wanted. Tell him: "You were pleased with Allahs choice, Allah made you pleased with His blessings."
You need to be a seer of the actions of Allah. But because we do not know how to explain the situation, so we cannot teach our children. We need to fill our heart with knowledge about Allah, and then it will come in our tongues and feelings without any difficulty. If you are filled with the feelings of تعظيم of Allah and love of Allah, it will be reflected on your tongue and actions.
E.g. Tell your child when they need something: "With whatever you need, ask Allah الصمد. Your need is with Allah الصمد, not me."Until he asks Allah الصمد.
If you do not know the meaning of الصمد how can you tell your child? الصمد is the One whom people ask their needs.
The problem nowadays is the mothers direct the feelings of their children to the importance of passing exams, cleanliness, jobs, the money, the Dunya. We direct their feelings to these worldly things, and not the importance of the hereafter. So they think those are the important things in his life, and neglect the more important things. So how do you except him to grow up? He might become an atheist. We have atheists among the youth because they did not grow up knowing who Allah is. Educating your child is your responsibility.
Because of this they may grow up without respecting Allah, the Qur'an, saying the names of the companions without رضي الله عنه. You should show anger. If your heart is filled with respect of the aforementioned, you would naturally show this feeling. But if it is not, how can you transmit the feeling to them?
E.g. He neglects the Asr Prayer. You tell him the Prophet ﷺ said:
"الَّذِي تَفُوتُهُ صَلاَةُ الْعَصْرِ كَأَنَّمَا وُتِرَ أَهْلَهُ وَمَالَهُ"
"Whoever misses the `Asr prayer (intentionally) then it is as if he lost his family and property." [Bukhari #552]
Repeat this every time he misses it.
When he does good you have to show him that you are happy. Especially when they are young - they feel your feelings.When they are 6 or 7 it is difficult for them to pray because it is new. When you see them praying be happy, and tell them "Well done, prayed on time today! Praying on time is the most beloved deed to Allah."
When the child grows up in this environment, on قال الله وقال الرسول, then do not be afraid in wherever he is thrown in the future. He has this established in his heart, and Allah will protect him.
In Summary, احتساب على الله (Hope for the reward from Allah) when:
1) Learning about Allah, His Names, Attributes, and Actions
2) Showing feelings of Love and Magnification of Allah
3) Taking advantage of every situation
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