بِسْم الله الرحمن الرحيم
RECAP:
-> Raising up your children is considered an act of worship. For any act of worship to be accepted, it needs to follow two conditions:
1) الإخلاص - Sincerity
2) الاتباع - Following the way of the Prophet ﷺ
-> We need to have الاحتساب (hope for the reward from Allah), whenever we teach, advise, and take care of our children. This is something lacking in many people.
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The grave is a scary place. You'll be all alone there. Nothing will bring you joy except your good deeds. And Tarbiya of the children is one of the greatest deeds a mother or teacher can perform.
Allah made us mothers as a favour from Him. And He gave us more compassion and mercy than men, in order to use this love and gentleness to convey knowledge to our children; to teach them the truth.
But many mothers keep themselves busy with worldly matters, and are engrossed in their jobs, that by the time they come home they have no time for their children. They become impatient with them because they're exhausted; they've used up all their energy for other people, and have no more left to deal with their children.
They believe that the child only requires to be clothed, and given food and drink. That's why they hire nannies and give them this responsibility, thinking anyone can perform this job. This is all due to ignorance; they don't know what they're missing.
No one's saying don't have helpers, but not when it comes to raising your children. There's a difference between the two. You have to focus on your children, Allah made you a mother for that purpose. If you don't raise your kids properly, then who will?
Allah didn't just grant us bodies void of souls. When you only clothe your child, and provide him with food and drink, you're only nourishing his body. What about his soul? It requires more nourishing than their bodies, and yet is the part which has been neglected by most mothers.
If both parents have religious knowledge, they'll appreciate the task of raising their children, and have high goals for their children. The knowledge they have would affect their Tarbiya.
But if the parents have no religious knowledge; there's lack of belief in Allah, the Day of Judgement, etc. they'd look at Tarbiya of the children as a difficult task. And we see this nowadays. People only want one or two children, because they believe that having more is too much to bear. But this is nothing more than thinking bad about Allah.
Do you think Allah will give you a responsibility and ask you about it without making the child ready and helping you? How can you think that Allah would burden you beyond your scope?
When Allah gave you children, He gave you a child who is ready to accept anything you teach him without objection. You don't find a young child arguing back, asking you what the wisdom behind what you're saying is, or why he has to do it. He absorbs whatever you teach him.
What should I teach my child?
Before anything, have إحتساب. Teach your child hoping to get the reward from Allah on the Day of Judgement, not in this Dunya.
You have to teach him The Religion. And the religion consists of:
1) Aqeedah
Belief in Allah, the Angels, the Books, The Messengers, the Last Day, the Qadar
2) Action
When Allah granted us children, He grant us children who have a pure فطرة (Natural Disposition).
The Prophet ﷺ said:
مَا مِنْ مَوْلُودٍ إِلَّا يُولَدُ عَلَى الْفِطْرَةِ فَأَبَوَاهُ يُهَوِّدَانِهِ وَيُنَصِّرَانِهِ وَيُمَجِّسَانِهِ كَمَا تُنْتَجُ الْبَهِيمَةُ بَهِيمَةً جَمْعَاءَ هَلْ تُحِسُّونَ فِيهَا مِنْ جَدْعَاءَ
Abu Huraira reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “No one is born except upon natural instinct, then his parents turn him into a Jew or Christian or Magian. As an animal produces their young with perfect limbs, do you see anything defective?” [Agreed upon]
What is the wisdom behind Allah granting every child the فطرة ? To help us distinguish between right and wrong, through correct knowledge.
A child can express his need for food and drink through crying, and as he gets older through words, until he becomes independent and gets it himself. But his فطرة is screaming for knowledge, yet he can't express it. It's screaming to know who His Creator is, who brought him into this life. His soul is hungry and needs to be nourished.
His eyes anxiously wander to the stars, trees, the universe around him. There are many questions going through his brain. If you don't nourish him and give him the correct answer these questions, he'll get the wrong answers from elsewhere.
As you nourish your child with knowledge, and as his knowledge increases, he'll be able to distinguish between right and wrong. He'll be able to accept the truth more and he'll naturally reject falsehood. Falsehood might even come to him, and he'll reject it without knowing why he's rejecting it; it just doesn't feel right.
Example of a pure, preserved فطرة
Since this child first opened his eyes, he hears that Allah is the One who gave you, Allah is the One who provided for you, "This is from Allah", الحمد لله, Allah is the One who cured you, Allah is the One who created the sky, etc.
His فطرة tells him to love the One who does all these things. You see a child reacting and asking his mother "Where is Allah?" And she says He's up above the heavens. He says, "I want to see Allah". His mother asks him why. He says, "I want to thank Him". And he's only three years old.
This is because of his love for Allah, which comes about after hearing about Allah and His perfect attributes in all situations.
You tell him, "Look at these mountains and how great they are. Allah is the One who created all these great things." and تعظيم will fill his heart.
And Love + Magnification = تأليه (Deification of Allah)
Your child's heart becomes attached to Allah. He knows that no one is greater than Allah. لا اله الا الله.
When you keep doing this from when the child is 3 to 7 years old (and these are called the "Golden Years"), when your child becomes 7, and you tell him to pray, to thank Allah for these blessings, he'll do so without difficulty.
There may be times when he becomes lazy and wants to play with his friend, but in his heart he'll know that only Allah deserves to be thanked. His فطرة has been preserved.
Example of a distorted فطرة
In contrast, you have a child born in a family which always says use your mind, think for yourself, be independent, you're strong, you're smart, you can do it. He'll grow up loving himself and thinking he's very great.
He's constantly told to work hard to please his father, to please his teacher. He grows up with his heart attached to different people. It's always people people people.
Or a child who grows up with parents who worship cows.
You wonder how people take cows as إله. First they attribute the cow with perfect attributes - that the cow gives milk, it's beneficial, etc. so the child grows up loving that cow. This is how they take the cow, or any other false diety, in worship. They first attribute the object with perfect attributes.
Allah gave you a sound فطرة for your child. Preserve it.
The فطرة mainly consists of three things:
1) مسلمات - Undisputable Matters
There are matters he'll accept without objection. Allah created him like that.
E.g. Every action has a doer.
If someone knocks the door, the child immediately asks who it is, because he knows there's someone behind the door who knocked.
Or if someone slaps him from behind, he'll ask you who did that? And if you say no one, he won't accept that, because your answer contradicts his فطرة.
Use this to bring him up and tell him about Allah, who created everything.
2) مستحسنات - Matters which are regarded as good.
E.g. He accepts justice, thanking those who do good to you, etc.
3) مستقبحات - Matters which are ugly
These are matters which are ugly and he can't accept.
E.g. Oppression. If someone beats his mother, you'll find the child crying. He doesn't know how else to express his hate for oppression.
Our problem is that we're ignorant, we don't know our own children.
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