Both the disbelievers and believers fight, and both parties suffer and feel pain when they're confronting this matter. But you hope from Allah what they don't hope.
Similarly, all the disbelievers and believers raise their children, but the believers have hopes which the disbelievers don't.
What hopes should I have when I raise my children?
As-Sa'di said in interpretation of this verse:
"أنكم ترجون من الله ما لا يرجون، فترجون الفور بثوابه و النجاة من عقابة، بل خواص المؤمنين لهم مقاصد عالية و آمال رفيعة من نصر دين الله، و إقامة شرعه، و اتساع دائرة الاسلام، و هداية الضالين، و قمع أعداء الدين"
You have hope in Allah, a privilege which the disbelievers do not enjoy. It is because of this hope in Allah's rewards and exoneration from His wrath that the faithful constantly endeavor to aid and support Allah's religion, enact His laws, guide the misguided, and completely destroy and uproot the enemies of the religion.
"فهذه الأمور توجب للمؤمن المصدق زيادة القوة، و تضاعف النشاط و الشجاعة التامة؛ لأن من يقاتل و يصبر على نيل عزه الدنيوية إن ناله، ليس كمن يقاتل لنيل السعادة الدنيوية و الأخروية، و الفوز برضوان الله و جنته، فسبحان من فاوت بين العباد و فرق بينهم بعلمه و حكمته"
Hence, all these things become a reason for increase in the strength of the true faithful and their valiance and alertness grows manifold.
The person who only fights for gaining the bounties and reverence of this world, even if he observes perseverance in it, cannot be equal to the person who fights for gaining Allah's pleasure, bounties of both this world and the hereafter, and entry into Paradise. All praise is to Allah who created this distinction, due to his unlimited and unmatched wisdom and knowledge.
You want the reward of Allah, to support His religion, to establish the law of Allah on the land, for your children to carry and spread the religion on earth, etc.
As long as these hopes are in front of your eyes, it'll give you energy to continue in your task.
Whenever you feel tired, bored, fed up, reached your limit, remind yourself of these hopes. This will make you gain strength.
And if you have these hopes, you'll be considered a winner in all aspects. Even if you don't see the result now, be sure you'll get it later - in this world or in the hereafter. Have firm belief that nothing you do will go in vain with Allah, it's all counted and preserved one by one.
You tell your son to get up to pray and he doesn't listen. You tell your daughter to wear Hijab, no effect. What makes you continue advising them? When you know that your repetition is counted with Allah and will never go in vain.
The Shaytan will make you frustrated, tell you they're hopeless cases, but as long as you continue advising and teaching, Allah will reward you.
If they don't pray now, they may pray after your death. If she's not righteous now, she may be after you pass away.
You're working for the reward on the Day of Judgement. In [76:10]:
Your children are like a farm. You sow a seed today, but you can't expect a plant to grow in just one day. An olive tree takes 30 years to grow fruit - the fathers plant and the sons harvest. So don't expect that your children will immediately apply everything you teach them.
Allah told us many times in the Qur'an that He created the heavens and earth in 6 days, and this is to teach us deliberation; not to be hasty. All matters take time. Be patient, you'll get the result, but not right now.
Allah said in [4:100]:
This verse is about an immigrant from the land of Kufr to the land of Islam and who died in the middle of the way. He'll get his reward in full from Allah.
So don't let the Dunya be your utmost goal, that you seek to achieve everything here. Let it be to attain Allah's pleasure, to enter Paradise, to get the bounties of Allah, etc.
Everyone's suffering, but be the person who hopes the reward from Allah. And be sure that Allah will bring the fruit of your work one day.
Role Models in the Qur'an
Compare yourself to them. When you wished to have children, did you have these wishes?
a) The Wife of Imran
In [3:35]:
محررا is a great word. It comes from حرر which means free.
She vowed that her child would be free of any worldly work, only dedicated to Allah's service. This is what she wished for.
This teaches us that when you as a mother raise your children loving and with their main concern being the Dunya, you've chained and fettered them. But if you make him love the hereafter, the religion, and not give the Dunya importance, you've made him free.
If a child is raised in a family which doesn't hope reward from Allah, he'll grow up not giving any importance to religion. He grows up hearing that if he has money he'll be successful, if he gets a degree he'll be honoured, etc. so what do you expect him to grow up to be? His concerns will be limited to this world.
E.g. A mother is with her child and passes by a worker working on the streets.
One mother says, "See, if you don't do well at school and pass your exams you'll be like this person tomorrow"
Another mother says, "When you're older inshallah you'll be a person who helps and supports the poor"
One mother raises her child to compete for this world, the other to do actions pleasing to Allah. Our words change our children, it corrupts and damages them. So don't come later and complain about your children when it's you who spoilt them.
2) Zakariya
In [3:37]:
"So her Lord (Allah) accepted her with goodly acceptance. He made her grow in a good manner and put her under the care of Zakariya (Zachariya). Every time he entered Al-Mihrab to (visit) her , he found her supplied with sustenance. He said: "O Maryam (Mary)! From where have you got this?" She said, "This is from Allah." Verily, Allah provides sustenance to whom He wills, without limit."
Zakariya عليه السلام would enter upon Maryam and see her with provision. She wasn't working, she just dedicated herself to Allah, and Allah would provide for her.
Immediately at that spot, he said in [3:38]:
He asked for righteous offspring - ذرية طيبة.
The righteousness of a son leads to reformation of his worldly life.
But if his worldly life is reformed, it'll never bring him righteousness in the religion
If your child is righteous he'll be satisfied with the little he has, he'll be a blessed person, he'll be obedient to Allah, he'll have good manners, he'll be spiritually stable, he won't fight for this world, etc.
But if he's successful at school, work, etc, this worldly honour will never make him righteous. He'll always be greedy, stingy, coveting after the Dunya.
But don't think that when you ask Allah for a righteous son, it means you neglect his worldly life.
If you tell your children to put their shoes in the cupboard 5 times, you need to tell them to go and pray 100 times. Don't neglect their worldly life, but emphasize their religious affairs more.
In [19:5-6]:
"And Verily! I fear my relatives after me, since my wife is barren. So give me from Yourself an heir,"
The word هب لي is repeated; because Allah is الوهاب and children are a gift from Him.
Why did Zakariya عليه السلام want to have a child?
As-Sa'di said in interpretation of this verse:
"و إني خفت من يتولى على بني إسرائيل من بعد موتي، أن لا يقوموا بدينك حق القيام، و لا يدعوا عبادك إليك...."
He wanted offspring because he wanted someone to continue Da'wah after him. He was afraid that the religion would be lost. If no one prays, prayer will be forgotten. If no one fasts, the fast will be forgotten.
He wanted offspring to inherit knowledge, prophethood and continue the mission after his death.
What should I teach my child and how? -> ->
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