بِسْم الله الرحمن الرحيم
What is the description of the محتسب?
1) She seeks the pleasure of Allah. She hopes to see Allah on the Day of Judgement, and doesn't wait for a reward in the Dunya.
2) She looks at everything Allah has granted her as a blessing from Allah. It's a favour of Allah that He made her a mother, a teacher, a guardian in charge of children. She feels that Allah chose her out of all people to take this responsibility. She attributes the blessing to Allah and appreciates it.
3) She is concerned about the hereafter. She knows one day Allah will ask her about how she raised her kids. She disposes her duty in a way pleasing to Allah.
الاحتساب is weak amongst those who raise children. We need to practice it, even in the minor things we do in our lives.
E.g. You feed your husband because you have to, or because otherwise he'll get into a bad mood. You don't know why you're feeding him and the children, or washing the clothes. It's just something you're used to - a habit, a custom.
You end up losing rewards with Allah because of your ill intention. Whatever you're doing, hope the reward from Allah.
E.g. As soon as you hear the Athan, you put down whatever you're doing, and in your heart you say, "O Allah I put this down for your sake, reward me. Reward me for my quick response, and hastening to prayer'
You hear the Athan and the Muathin says, "الله اكبر". You want to show Allah He is greater than everything in this life, greater than anyone you're talking to. Do this and hope the reward from Allah.
But we never do this because we never think of Allah and the rewards in the hereafter.
"احتسبوا أعمالكم"
You count your reward - "I'm doing this because I want this and this and this..."
احتسبوا اعمالكم even in the little details of your life. Ask Allah to reward you for every situation you go through.
Ibn Qayyim said in Za'd AlMuhajir:
"كل عمل لابد له من مبدأ و غاية"
"فلا يكون العمل طاعة و قربة إلى الله حتي يكون مصدره عن الايمان"
"فيكون الباعث عليه هو الإيمان المحض"
"لا العادة و لا الهواء و لا طلب المحمدة و الجاه و غير ذالك"
"بل لابد أن يكون مبدؤه محض الإيمان و غايته ثواب الله و ابتغاء مرضاته"
"و هو الاحتساب"
[الرسالة التبوكية للإمام ابن قيم]
^^^ and all the above is considered الاحتساب
What should motivate you to take care of your children? Your pure belief.
Belief in what? In Allah. He is the One who granted you the children, and will take account of you if you neglected them. You have to believe that there is a Day of Judgement, where Allah will ask you about how you disposed of this duty.
You don't take this action because of custom, traditions, because you love doing it, because it's "normal". You don't do it seeking the praise of the people when you are raising them.
What should my goal be? ثواب الله و مرضاته
Custom - العادة
Custom dominates and controls people in the issue of التربية and prevents most of the mothers الا من رحم الله from الاحتساب. They don't hope the reward from Allah, it's just a matter of life for them - therefore they will not be rewarded for it.
Three problems arise if a person does an action by way of habit:
1) Boredom
You hear mothers saying they're bored, fed up, "sick of". This is because there is no إحتساب. Boredom is called "بطر" in Arabic, which is ingratitude, and one of the major sins.
And if you have the feeling of ingratitude and boredom in your heart, Allah may deal with you as He did with the people of Saba - He removed their blessings. You may lose your blessings, or the بركة in your children. They won't benefit from you, nor will you get benefit from them.
2) Passing on the duty to someone else
The mother says to the father, "You're their father, you take them"
The father says to the mother, "You're their mother, you do it.."
Allah opened a gate of reward for them, and everyone says you do it, I'm tired, this isn't my job. If they knew the reward, they would fight for the responsibility. But we are ignorant. Seek the reward of the next life, not this world, you don't know what will happen to you tomorrow.
3) Laziness
When you have no إحتساب you'll feel lazy to wake your children up to pray Fajr, to advise them. You won't feel like it's a responsibility you'll be rewarded for.
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