Aggression is a category of behavior that threatens
or causes harm to others (Loeber & Hay 373). It is a comprehensive term
which encompasses behaviors such as verbal abuse, yelling, fighting, bullying,
explosive tantrums, etc.
Depending on the circumstance, aggression could
either be a natural response to a threat or a symptom of an underlying problem.
It becomes an issue when it occurs constantly and in patterns. There are many driving forces behind
aggression in children. Although parents have frequently called out naughtiness
as a culprit, it is vital to note that it isn’t included as one of the causes.
Dr. Dianne, a child psychologist in Toronto,
explores the reasons behinds aggressive behavior on her website:
Children do not behave aggressively because they are "naughty or "bad." Their aggressive behaviors may result from brain patterns that have been shaped by prior experiences, usually those involving relationships and/or specific social experiences, or actual trauma itself, either a single trauma, or more chronic, complex relationship traumas. These brain patterns, in turn, trigger the "fight response." And the child responds aggressively to ward off the perceived threat. This process is often unconscious, and immediate, and out of the child's control. Others may find it hard to perceive any discernible threat, or if they do, it may appear largely benign, and any aggressive response unjustified. Consequently, it is often the brain, shaped, in part, by prior experiences, that lies behind the aggressive behavior (O’Conner).
She goes on to mention factors which
interact and contribute to high levels of aggression in kids such as unrelieved
stress, insecurity, instability, bad parenting, genetic influences which are
shaped by experience, family conflicts, and lack of coping strategies which may
be due to insufficient time with role models.
Stephen Scott, a child
and adolescent psychologist, elaborates on the effect of bad parenting in
causing aggressive behavior in children. He
mentions five parenting mistakes: poor supervision, harsh discipline,
disharmony between parents, rejection of the child, and limited involvement in
the child’s activities (British Medical
Journal).
Children are also known to imitate. A child may be
exposed to violence, whether it is through the television or due to problems in
the household, and will automatically mirror the behavior of the people he or
she sees. The Office of Juvenile Justice
and Delinquency Prevention stated that “Children
who are exposed to violence undergo lasting physical, mental, and emotional
harm” (Barbour).
There
are some children whose aggressive behavior is a result of paranoia,
schizophrenia, or other psychotic conditions. For other children it may be due
to depression, a maniac stage of a bipolar disorder, autism, mental
retardation, or ADHD. Many of these illnesses cause fear of suspicion,
impulsiveness, and an inability to deal with emotions or verbalize their frustrations
(Erickson Gabbey).
Over stimulation, being put in
stressful situations, and emotions such as fear, exhaustion, anger, and
confusion, can all trigger aggressive reactions as well (Health Grades).
It is important that carers educate
themselves regarding these causes in order that they may be able to handle the
child appropriately and effectively. Research shows that the earlier the
intervention, the easier it is to enforce positive behavior.
In many cases, parents
further aggravate the situation by failing to implement the correct strategies.
Many respond with equally aggressive behavior. This is detrimental as children
subconsciously adopt the behaviors we model.
Through this we
conclude that the first and probably most essential step in tackling aggressive
behavior in children is by first rectifying our own. We need to be living
examples of the type of people we want our children to grow up to be. By handling our emotions well we indirectly
teach kids how to deal with their own.
"It’s easy to respond to your child's aggression with yelling or anger, but remember, your child is looking to you for cues on how to control his impulses and have good behavior." (Munson)
After developing good behavior
within ourselves, we need to focus on our relationship with our children. We
need to develop a balance in our dealings with them, avoiding both
authoritarian and overindulgent parenting styles. By understanding that
aggressive reactions are inevitable in certain circumstances, we will be able
to anticipate them and take advantage of them when they occur, using these
episodes as an opportunity to teach positive behavior.
We should commend our children when they display
non-aggressive behavior and be wary of reinforcing aggressive behavior by
harshly punishing the child and thus giving too much negative attention. But
before we reward and admonish, it is important that we clarify our expectations
behavior wise. Children need to know what is expected of them; along with a parent
that plays a warm, assertive role in guiding them to meet those benchmarks.
The parent-child relationship should be one of open
dialogue. Along with guidance through practical example, we need to talk to our
kids about emotions and teach them how to express their feelings healthily.
(O’Conner)
As Muslims, we can teach our children the merits of
patience in light of Islam and remind them of the ahadith which deal with anger
management.
Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Messenger said: The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger (Bukhari 141).
Narrated Abu Dharr: The Messenger of Allah said to us: When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise he should lie down. (Sunan Abi Dawud 10)
The religion gives us
examples of both healthy parent-child relationships (e.g. Luqman and his son,
Ibrahim and his son) and unhealthy ones (e.g. Ibrahim and his father, Nuh and
his son) so that we may strive to be like the former, and take lessons from the
latter.
Allah informs us of Luqmans advice to his son in the
Qur’an:
And [mention, O
Muhammad], when Luqman said to his son while he was instructing him, "O my
son, do not associate [anything] with Allah . Indeed, association [with him] is
great injustice (Qur’an 31:13).
And Ya’qub’s to Yusuf:
He (the father) said: "O my son! Relate
not your vision to your brothers, lest they arrange a plot against you. Verily!
Shaitan (Satan) is to man an open enemy!(Qur’an 12:5).
From these two short verses we can extract a
profound lesson. Nowadays, when parents want to order or forbid their children
with or from something, they do so without explaining the reason, deeming the
child too little or insignificant to know such details. This can easily build
up hatred and frustration within the children when forced to perform or abstain
from certain things without understanding the wisdom behind it, and thus leads
to aggressive and rebellious behavior. We find that the Prophets commanded,
forbade, and explained the reason behind these commandments and prohibitions;
and they are the best of role models.
In a nutshell, every parent should learn about the
causes and triggers of aggression and how to deal with it correctly, so that
they will prevent further aggravating their child’s aggressive behavior.
Works Cited
O’Conner, Dianne. “Aggressive
Behavior Children” solutionforchildproblems.com Dianne S. O’Conner 2014 Web
30.June.2015
Scott, Stephen. “What are the causes of violent behavior in
children?” Livestrong.com Scott
Barbour 31.May.2015 Web 30.June.2015
Barbour, Scott. “What are the causes of violent behavior in
children?” Livestrong.com Scott
Barbour 31.May.2015 Web 30.June.2015
Leober & Hay. “The development of aggressive behavior in
children and young people: Implications for social policy, service provision,
and further research” community.nsw.gov.au
Web 30.June.2015
“What is aggression” healthgrades.com
Health Grades Operating Company 2015 Web 30.June.2015
Erickson Gabbey, Amber. “Aggressive behavior” healthline.com George Krucik 13.December.2013 Web 30.June.2015
Simeo Munson, Joan. “Hitting, Biting, and Kicking: How to stop
aggressive behavior in young children” empoweringparents.com
Empowering Parents 2015 Web 30.June.2015
Sahih Bukhari “Kitab Al-Adab” Sunnah.com Web
Sunan Abi Dawud “Chapter: What
should be said at the time of anger” Sunnah.com Web
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